Central Vision Podcast
Central Vision Podcast is a conversation about life through a different perspective.
Hosted by Austin and Charity, the Central Vision Podcast brings together people who are blind, have low vision, and the family members, friends, professionals, and advocates who share the journey. Through honest conversations, humor, personal stories, and practical discussions, we explore what it really means to navigate work, relationships, technology, travel, accessibility, independence, and everything in between.
Some episodes feature inspiring guests with unique experiences. Others dive into everyday challenges, awkward moments, helpful tips, or the conversations that don't happen often enough. We believe that sharing real experiences builds confidence, creates understanding, and reminds people they're not alone.
Whether you're living with vision loss, supporting someone who is, or simply want to see the world from a different perspective, there's a seat at the table.
New episodes every week.
Central Vision Podcast
Dating, Relationships & Vision Loss
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Episode 4 - Dating, Relationships & Vision Loss
Dating and relationships can already be complicated, but vision loss can add challenges most people never have to think about. Austin and Charity get honest about confidence, disclosure, independence, feeling like a burden, and the difficult question of whether someone will see your vision loss before they see you.
Austin shares how dating changed after his diagnosis, including the impact vision loss had on his own self-worth and the moment a woman walked away almost immediately after he told her about his condition. Charity offers the perspective of nearly 20 years of marriage and talks about how progressive vision loss has changed the roles within her relationship, from leaving her career to finding new ways to contribute to her family and partnership.
You'll discover:
Why accepting yourself can completely change the way you approach dating and relationships
When and how Austin chooses to disclose his vision loss - and why he now prefers to address it early
How not driving affects dating, independence, and traditional expectations within relationships
Why feeling like a burden can become one of the hardest emotional challenges for both partners
How to communicate when someone is trying to help but their help actually takes away your independence
The surprising ways vision loss can create more patience, empathy, awareness, and connection
Why meeting a partner’s family can bring up fears about protection, providing, and whether you will be seen as “good enough”
Austin and Charity also explore the difference between being supported and being managed. From partners speaking for you to people announcing your blindness to a room, they discuss why good intentions do not always feel good - and why healthy communication means explaining not only what hurts, but what would actually help instead.
The conversation also turns toward something neither of them expected: the ways vision loss may have made them better partners. Charity reflects on the patience she has developed with herself and others, while Austin talks about becoming more attentive to tone of voice, emotion, touch, and the things people communicate without visual cues.
Ultimately, this episode is about refusing to discount yourself because of vision loss. Someone else having different preferences does not make you less worthy, and having a disability does not mean lowering your standards or accepting a relationship that is less than what you want.
This conversation is especially meaningful for anyone with vision loss navigating dating or marriage, anyone supporting a partner through progressive vision loss, or anyone who has ever wondered whether a disability changes what they deserve from love. If you have ever struggled with confidence, independence, vulnerability, or feeling like you bring less to a relationship, this episode is for you.
Learn more and listen at www.centralvisionpodcast.com
Austin is wearing the “Use the Floors” shirt from Rare Perspective Co. If you're curious about the shirt or want to see more, visit www.rareperspectiveco.com.
Learn more and listen at www.centralvisionpodcast.com
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Just because I might run into walls and crack my face sometimes and kick things over, it doesn't mean that I don't deserve an incredible woman. And I will continue to search and look for that, no problem.
SPEAKER_04Hey everyone, I'm Charity.
SPEAKER_02And I'm Austin. Welcome to the Central Vision Podcast.
SPEAKER_04We're two hosts living with vision loss, sharing honest conversations about life through the lens of blindness and low vision. From relationships and travel to careers and technology, from family and confidence to accessibility and everything in between. So whether you're living with vision loss yourself, love, support, or know someone who is, or you're simply curious, looking for a different perspective, you're in the right place. Before we get into today's episode, I would like to encourage you to go back and take a look at last week's episode if you haven't done so already. We got to interview a wonderful guest named Alexis, and she shared with us her icebreaker story, which is a hilarious adventure of her shopping in Target. So if you haven't done so, go back and take a look at it. You'll be glad you did. On today's episode, we're going to talk about relationships and dating. And there are a lot of challenges that come with dating when you're in the visually impaired community. And we're going to explore some of those challenges today. So I myself am married. I've been married for 20 years. I personally am not going to explore the dating side of it because my husband might not appreciate that. Austin, you are single. Yes.
SPEAKER_02I am. I am an eligible bachelor.
SPEAKER_04Eligible bachelor.
SPEAKER_02Yep. I have no kids, no relationships, nothing, no marriages, no divorces either. I'm doing pretty well for 35.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I've got a divorce under my belt. Thanks for bringing that up. Yeah, that's my fault. So do you have any hesitancy when you're approaching dating? And I would like to ask first. So you were diagnosed when you were 25. Obviously, I assume that you started dating prior to 25.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_04Have you noticed any differences between dating today and before you had your diagnosis of vision loss?
SPEAKER_02So yeah, there definitely has been a big difference. But to be honest, I what I think the biggest difference was more so was the way I looked at myself as a as a potential um candidate in someone else's life. That that honestly was one of the hardest things I think that I had to get past was that because once once it started happening, I immediately thought less of myself. Like, why would you ever want to date someone who's broken and damaged? You know, it's starting to put yourself down like that. And that really made it hard. When I viewed myself like that, I didn't think I was good enough. Or I accepted behavior or people that were below what I should ever accept because I held myself at such a low standard. And that that is something I had to worry about. So it was hard. Now, there were some, you know, I remember this one girl that I was talking to at a bar, and it I wasn't there to meet her. It just the conversation started happening. She was beautiful. We're sitting there talking, the conversation's great. And then I brought up my vision loss. Now, at this point, I was still driving. No one would have known if I didn't tell her, but I brought it up, and as soon as I brought that up, she went, tab, and she left right there. As soon as I brought that up. Yeah, that was that was crazy. But you know, I had to understand though that just because someone it does, it's not a reflection of yourself. It's not like people like, oh wow, you're broken and damaged. The fact is that people have certain things that they want in their life. They they don't like people who maybe like heavy metal because God, I am not listening in the car all the time. You know, it it just everyone has their preferences in dating. That doesn't mean you're undateable. It's just that person wasn't interested in that in their life. And it's not a bad thing, it's just a choice what of what they want, you know. I think that's an important thing I had to learn as well.
SPEAKER_04Uh so do you do you find yourself putting that on the back burner now? Do you do you come out with it right away or do you wait?
SPEAKER_02See, that that was a hard thing to figure out. So because I think you could circle that question over and over on every it area, it could be different for every single experience. You know, that's and what I realized is I don't want to have to be sitting there and nervous and thinking about it the whole, you know, do I tell them then? Do I tell them and then what happens when something's going great, and then two weeks later, three weeks later, a month later, you finally, if they haven't seen if they haven't visually seen, you know, this impacting you, and you tell them this, I mean that's not fair either. It's kind of like hiding from them as well. Right. You know, so I found for myself what was best is just being known as that person who has this vision loss thing coming right out. I mean, I can hardly hide anymore either. You know, I'll bump into, you know, what do you say when they are like trying to shake your hand and I'm just staring blankly at them? You know, that's not any better. Like I might as well just say, like, hey, real quick, uh, you know, I'll probably knock over something before I even get to it. Like it's yeah, it but I found it's just better to be open about it. Then you don't have to skate around it, you don't have to tiptoe, you don't have to be nervous about it, then it's dumb. I'd rather know it's know that they know and they make their decision early on than me starting to get attached because I started hiding something. And that's just that's not a good way to judge if that person is actually in it to win it with you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. So myself, I didn't necessarily have to um broach the subject with my husband. I had worked with him for three years prior to us starting date, starting to date, yeah. And so he knew. I mean, people were picking me up at work. I I didn't have a guide dog at the time, but everyone knew I had a vision impairment. But prior to him, I was in probably a similar, I I might have, might have had a little bit more vision than you. But I would I would address the topic right away. I'm the type of person who I just threw it all out there. I honestly I'm I'm not sure why anybody wanted to date me because I was like, listen, I have a I have a a child, I have a biological child, I've adopted a child, I have vision loss. You need to accept this or move on.
SPEAKER_02And that's a whole lot.
SPEAKER_04It is a whole lot. And I my husband was like, okay, I I guess I'll I'll stick around, which is great, but I I couldn't hide it. And I was like, you, if I hide it and they and they do like when we do move forward with the relationship, then what? Then when do you like spring it on them? Like, how do you how does that handle?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. But and I think it negatively impacts you too, right? Like the the more you hide, and at least for me, the more you hide something, the more that becomes like more real to you. The now you're like hyper aware of every single mistake you make around them in front of them. And it's just because like they don't know yet, they don't know how bad it actually is yet.
SPEAKER_04You know, and what does it what does it do to you mentally when you're hiding that? Like it's it becomes something. If you're hiding it, it becomes something that in your mind is shameful, like it needs to be hidden in order for someone to accept me. Right.
SPEAKER_02That's yep.
SPEAKER_04And I obviously we don't want that.
SPEAKER_02No, no. I mean, it it's all about the confidence and especially your self-image. And I think that's a hard thing with us in our community and people that are impacted by vision loss is that you we constantly feel the need to feel less than anyone else, and it just damages our self-image so much. And the the only reason that happens is again is because you're viewing people, you're viewing yourself through the eyes of what you think someone is viewing you as. And it's never true. And even if it is true, I'm sorry, they can go, they can go away. Kick her out. Trying to trying to use you're trying to use better words here, they can leave, you know, kick her out. Not everyone is good enough for you. Let's get that clear. Right. Even if you're you have vision loss, not everyone is good enough for you. Clearly, they're not. You know, that's that's that's a huge thing. I mean, do you when you so when you were in your marriage and you got together, so he already knew about all this? And it's been how many years?
SPEAKER_04We've been married, we'll be married 20 years in December.
SPEAKER_02Okay. So do you when you're in, I mean, going through all this, and I'm sure it's not so much now, but maybe it still is there. Do you ever feel this like maybe a feeling of being a burden or like what do I bring to the relationship? Is that something that comes across you or maybe used to? And then if so, like how did you deal with it?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'll it I feel like for me, it it rears its ugly head routinely. It's a day, and I I definitely wouldn't say that my husband makes me feel like a burden, like you said, it's all in our own head. But the the biggest challenge for me where I felt like, what am I bringing to the table? Is we were already married, but it in fact we were five years into our marriage, and I had to leave my job. And then it was like, I have no identity. I can't I can't work anymore. I am limited with helping with our family, um, with the kids, driving them places. Obviously, I I wasn't driving. And what yeah, what do I bring to the table? That was the biggest one for me. And it took for me, it took honestly some some counseling because anything that my my husband did, I felt like he he has to do so much. And if I ask anything more of you, it's gonna be too much. And most people, like if you were married to somebody else, you wouldn't be responsible for so much. And I I just mentally went through that in my head every day, but it did take counseling and it took counseling with him for me to understand that it's it's a partnership between me and him.
SPEAKER_02Sure, yeah, as it should be. That's and it's that's a hard thing with you know relationships now, especially when you think about typical gender rules and whatnot and what you're supposed to be doing. And I don't I don't want to say the wrong things here. If you're uh, you know, if you're a homemaker, you know, and things that you're and and that gets harder, and you have if you have the uh the husband who comes home and they're expecting things to be done or like this, every relationship is obviously different. But then the same thing from a male's perspective is you know, I worry about things of does a woman look at me and think like he can't protect me because you know what happens if someone jumps us or something like that. Like now I'm an easy target because of him. Do I have to protect him? Do I have to carry to protect him? You know, right I think, and then it comes to like the working and stuff too, it's obviously that's a whole nother topic is how you know it's harder for us to have extremely successful jobs. We have to work three times, ten times as hard to really be where everyone else could is and where we could be, you know, whatever. And you know, I came from a family where those gender roles were the classic ones, you know, that the the father's out working all the time, mom's taking care of everything else, you know, cooking and all that stuff. And I came from that, so that was really hard for me to accept that I need to figure out different ways to do things, different ways to work, and different ways to bring value to other people around me and then to a relationship because I'm not gonna be that guy like my dad that's bringing at least not right now, hopefully that'll happen, but that's bringing home enough money to provide for his entire family without a second guess. Right. And that that's that's hurt me a lot too, and when I think about because that's another thing that happens is you know, uh not so much anymore, but if I'm considering pursuing a woman, that I start playing through the entire movie of what that relationship would look like, and I'm like trying to find ways I could be discounted before I'm even discounted. Yeah, it's wild. It's it's very so when it comes to all that, have you do you look at yourself and say, but I bring these things to the relationship though? And that could just be like an amazing support person or something like that. I mean, I I gotta think that you seem like you're a great mother and everything like that, probably a great wife. I haven't talked to your husband yet, but I'm assuming he would agree. Let me know if you don't agree.
SPEAKER_04Put it in the comments, yeah. Put it in the comments, Tim. Put it in the comments.
SPEAKER_02We'll we'll we'll lose a subscriber over that. It's gonna be him going, you know what, I'm done with them.
SPEAKER_04No, I have learned that I do bring a lot to the table, and I it might not be what I had originally planned to bring to the table, but uh for example, I handle all of our finances, I I'm responsible for paying all the bills, I keep everything organized. I I just love doing stuff like that. And you know, I'm kind of Tim's cheerleader. Um I I do ask a lot of him, and I I hate that I can't do some of the things, but you know, he's driving around my daughter to basketball games and stuff like that. Well, she can drive now, but which is a big help. But um, when he was having to drive her, it's like, hey, do you want me to go with you and sit in the parking lot while we wait for her for an hour to practice? You know, I'm there, I'm there to I try to be there to support and and do what I can when I can. And I think he sees, even if it's just the effort, that he sees that I'm making an effort and that's enough. And he's not one of the people who comes home and is like, I want dinner on the table and I want the house spotless. Right. He's just, yeah, I you're doing the best you can, and I appreciate what you do. So it's fun.
SPEAKER_02Are you are you hiding uh like robot vacuums like so he thinks that you clean the whole house? I don't hide it.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, I don't hide it.
SPEAKER_02Those things are amazing, those things are absolutely incredible. I I just love it. I absolutely, you know, I named mine Suck Norse, and I it's my favorite thing ever.
SPEAKER_04Mine are all named after hockey players, so of course they are. Of course they are, yes.
SPEAKER_02That's amazing. Okay, so when for you, did was it did you did it just kind of happen, or did you did you guys kind of set up, you know, let's have a conversation and see how we can like how I can contribute as well, or did you just kind of naturally fall into it to where I started taking control of this?
SPEAKER_04It just kind of happened because um, I mean, we've been married for 20 years and it has completely changed over the course of those 20 years. Um, what I could do 20 years ago, I can't do today. And it's simple things like he uh my husband will unload the dishwasher. I don't unload the dishwasher. I can't, if I unload the dishwasher, it's like there's six glasses, four spoons, and three plates left in there. So, and I might knock the dishes together, and it's it's just too much for me. It and so you know, we go through that. Like what I used to be able to do, I can't do anymore. But I found something else that I can pick up or that I can help with. Um so from your side, and you're talking about the um traditional roles of a male and the female in a relationship, I would I was not of the time of online dating. So do you do any do you do any online dating? Do you approach it from that from that perspective, the dating scene?
SPEAKER_02No, yeah, okay, so okay, I had one Tinder account at one point, and it just I don't know, I started dating someone, so I just got rid of it. Uh and that wasn't because of Tinder, it was just someone that I met or kind of knew. But I I've always kind of despised dating apps. I think I mean I know, and I don't want to be because I've recently been told by someone in our community, Stephanie, that I'm middle-aged. And uh she made it very clear that I'm middle-aged. So I I don't want to sound old here, but I I mean I know that it's it's a new it's a new age here, and but it's just it's so impersonal to me. And they they always say, like, don't meet, don't meet girls at the bar. Like, I kind of get it, but I also have been in that industry for all of my life, and I would rather meet someone who is drunk than meet someone through a screen. It's so there's just no like actual emotional tie to it. It's it should be something that involves kind of a commitment. You have to show, and what's it say when someone shows up and actually meets you somewhere? Like that already shows a good commitment and be able to look someone in the face and that kind of thing. But that's the interesting interesting thing too with us. Some of us can't see someone's face at all, right? So I have a hard time reading people's faces now, and that's um that's a whole nother thing. So with the dating, I never really liked the concept. Now I started a Facebook dating account not too long ago, and uh I shut that down too. I met some people online, but again, it was just so impersonal and just and I also realized I just didn't want to date either. And then I tried it again, and it was just it I just don't get it. But I I did when I made my profiles, I put that in there, not the tender those too far back, but I put my vision loss right in it. And not just that, that I don't drive either. I wanted that to be very clear so I don't have to. It was protecting myself to not have to go through this conversation later. To I'd rather you swipe left and not even talk to me and understand what it is first than you know, talking to someone, wow, you like you're really cool, and then yeah, I don't drive. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, this is not good. I'd rather them come and say, like, so why don't you drive? Like you see this vision thing, it it it almost brings a better, it's a better entrance to it, you know. So that's my whole philosophy on all that. And I'm back off all the datings, I all the dating sites. It just it's not the way I want to meet someone.
SPEAKER_04And I was gonna ask you how you approach um so typically, I guess maybe not at first when you first meet somebody, maybe you meet them at a particular location or whatever, and that's your first introduction, but you decide that you want to date somebody or maybe you know, whatever, you can't go pick them up. Like how how do you handle how now I guess it's great these days with Uber because Uber is so more it's so much more prevalent.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it that is a hard one for me, and I can I constantly deal with that right now. And it it you know, and I'll do like you drive, I'll buy, you know, you fly, I buy. And I'll do that. But like honestly, so I just had to get out in front of it and say, you know, I'll meet you there. You can, but a lot of the times I actually, if I'm feeling a little bit nervous about it, I'll just tell them that, hey, I'll meet you there, and I will go there like a half an hour early and say, hey, I was bored, and I just like showed up, and then at some point, maybe a couple drinks in when I feel a little bit loose, and I'll tell them, like, by the way, um, yeah, you're you'll have to drive, or maybe I keep it going, right? Like, uh, you know, take my take my keys. Oh, where are my keys? I must have lost them. Oops, I'll come back for my car tomorrow. Uh so that yeah, that's a big deal. And then, but something to think about though, right? For because I know I'm not the only person out there that has that kind of um concern, that you go somewhere like New York or wherever, where they have a lot of transportation, taxis, buses, and Ubers and all that stuff to where it's not abnormal there. It's not weird that you're not driving your car somewhere and you know, it and it doesn't change someone's perception of you. I mean, most people in New York City don't actually drive anywhere, it's just constantly walking, taking their public transportation. So it is a big deal. However, I just again I try to get out in front of it, and I actually it ends up working out okay because once you get confident behind that kind of a thing and you just like, yeah, this is what I do. I take Ubers. And first of it, it's good for you that you are so out in front of it and whatever, you know. I don't have to worry about all of that, but it it is it is just weird, you know. People used to call me to move stuff for them, and I'm I miss sitting in. My car, too, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes, yes. I I used to drive for relaxation. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02And it's weird being, you know, call myself the passenger princess. And it's just weird being not like I got snacks, I got this. So, but at least I'm great if a girl comes and picks me up and like, you know, hey, do you want to go like camping or is go somewhere, go visit this museum this weekend? Yes. Do you want a veggie tray? Do you want chips? Do you want Twizzlers? Like, I got you. Like, just open up. Here you go. And it almost makes you know what? I'm okay with you not driving now.
SPEAKER_04Yep. Oh, that's great.
SPEAKER_02So something interesting I thought about too. Uh you know, I want I want you to answer this first and I'll give my perspective on it. But do you do you feel like in any relation at all that you are a better partner now because of your vision loss in in any way?
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's a hard one.
SPEAKER_02It is because we're always kind of going against ourselves a little bit. Yeah. But when I thought about it, I was like, you know what? There's some things.
SPEAKER_04I I'm the type of person who I go because I have very high standards for myself, and more and more I'm not able to meet them. And I yeah, I'd have a hard time finding an area where I say I'm I'm better because of this. Except maybe, okay, so I will say this. I have my vision loss has given me a ton more patience. Um patience with myself, patience with my circumstance, and patience with other people. Um because I used to be like quick responding, I moved really quickly, I I did everything just at almost warp speed. And I made decisions and words came out of my mouth at warp speed. And as my vision loss progressed, I've had to be more patient with myself. Um when I anything I do, I have to, you know, give myself more time and be more patient. And when mistakes happen, I have to give myself grace. And that has also translated somewhat to other people.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's I mean, patience is massive. That is one of the largest things that I learned in this whole experience is my patience with, I mean, especially my day. When I once I was because I am my biggest enemy, I am the scariest person in the world to myself. You know, and once I learned to deal with that person and give him a little bit of room to breathe and a little bit of grace, you know, and that kind of changed the way I interacted with the world a lot. I would agree a lot with the the patient side of it. Now I am so much calmer when it comes to conflict with you know someone that I'm pursuing or anything like that, to where I don't jump to conclusions because now we sit here as people who have this, you know, and in most cases, invisible disability. And I think it gives you a kind of introspective into someone's mind of how there might be something behind their eyes that's going on with them. Don't jump the gun and get mad, you know, they're having a bad day or something. You know, there's there's something bothering them, just like there's something going on with me behind these eyes. And it's I I've just learned to be calm and not take things at face value anymore, to where if someone gets snippy with you, they probably didn't mean to. They probably weren't trying to be a rude person or be mean. It was just the way it came out. And if you expect other people to be patient with us, right, why are we not going to be patient with them? That's not fair either.
SPEAKER_04You know, would you say that is I'm not putting words, I I don't want to put words into your mouth, but is what were you going to say was your like what makes what about this has made you a better person or partner?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oddly enough, I'm more I I observe a lot more now. Even though I'm losing my vision, I'm I pay attention to a lot more, you know, less visual cues, but I'm almost more in tune with the other person. It's and I think it in that might be because I feel like I need to be. That I in order to, you know, I I feel like you want to be with a partner that you feel like you deserve. Like in if you're with someone that you don't have to try at all, and you can just be kind of a bad person or whatever, then I don't think you're in a good relationship. Like you should be challenged. Like you, you should, you should want to impress your partner. That that I think that's a big part of being in a good relationship is constantly keeping each other impressed and happy and surprising them and whatnot. That I become more um observational in that I remember things that they say very clearly, you know, because that's something I learned that went up with my vision losses, my memory, my recall is shot up or dramatically, right? Yeah. But doing that and really paying attention to the sound of their voice, it's crazy once you stop having the visual sense that you can start hearing the levels in someone's voice a lot more, and they're you start hearing those size and you start see hearing the trail-offs of their voice and things like that, you know, the the non-visual cues. Uh and then also it's made me more of like a so, like, you know, love languages. One of my love languages has always been touch, and I think it's it's so much more now because that's a way for because I don't, I can't, you know how weird it is for me to be like flirting with eye contact because I might be looking at a bush and I'm looking, I'm not even looking at the girl, you know. I'm trying to look across the table and I'm like, why are you looking at that girl like oh, that's not her? Yeah, there you are, and it's so using that more sensual, more touching, more you know, and it's extending my love through that side of it. Um and yeah, I think the patience is probably the biggest one, though. That that's a real big one, and I think it brings a lot to the table. It's I was not a patient person, I was someone who jumped all the time. I mean, I wanted to win arguments and whatnot. Like I just I wasn't like a very it was like a challenge all the time, and now it's again. I I think it's it's it's odd that this has made this has disrupted our lives so much, but in some ways it's made me so much more peaceful. Yes, it's very odd.
SPEAKER_04Yes, I I would say the same thing, except from the perspective of competition. Like, I'm I'm gonna win. Like, I'm gonna win an argument. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm gonna win.
SPEAKER_04That's in my DNA. My son has it too.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I can't get rid of that, but I I do have a lot more patience, and it surprises me how much I do have. I guess because of how much I've I've dealt with and how much I've seen, how much I've had to slow down, how much I've had to accept. I have now been able to turn around and accept that the differences in other people, like we have talked about.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I love that so much now. It's such a unique thing. And once you start doing that, I realize when I'm around people that they don't do it, and it's yeah, like people will snap at people, or maybe someone will pass and they'll mutter something to the group of people to us, and I'll just be sitting there thinking, like, why would you say that? Is this really what it is? Not that I was a bad, rude, mean person, but is this how people are walking around? Like, I don't even get it now. I have so much more sympathy for the what-ifs everywhere, you know.
SPEAKER_04I do too. I do too. Yeah, and I love it.
SPEAKER_02I do love that. So I was curious too about so in your marriage, how does I wonder because I've had to talk to people, I don't like when people introduce me as hey, he's blind, he's blind. And it's weird that people will do that. It's very odd that people do that. It's it seems like it's more about them and not you. Yeah, um, but how does he introduce you? If you guys go out, if you have friends over, to people obviously you've never met before, maybe it's his co-workers that you've never met or something like that. Does he enter does he just let you take the wheel or does he set it up? Where is he at with that?
SPEAKER_04Um, so it depends on the situation. If we had a a party at our house that he and I hosted for his colleagues that I hadn't I had not met most of them before. And beforehand, I asked him to, because it was going to be an evening, it was like a dinner, it was a a Christmas party, it was gonna be in the evening. So it was a little bit darker, and I didn't want it to be awkward in my house. So beforehand, he kind of mentioned to to people, like yeah, work, can't wait for you to come, just so you know, charity does have a vision impairment, so if she doesn't reach out to shake your hand or whatever, she's not being rude. But I will say he messes up sometimes, and this is one of the times I I have to give him grace. We were at church a couple weeks ago, and we were um going from like area to area, we were looking for our place to serve in the church, and we walked up to this this particular booth, and we were talking to a gentleman, and my husband said something about well, you know, it's hard because of her disability. And I just about like I'm walking with my dog, I'm walking like everyone knows. I mean, it's clear at this point that I have a disability, but it hurt me that he said it. And like I he made me feel like I might not be able to find a place to serve in the church because of my circumstance. And he was doing it in a way that he felt was kind, but to me, it felt like it just cut me off. It it cut me off at the knees, and it was difficult. And I had to talk to him about he he almost immediately noticed it and he he put his arm around me and he said, I'm sorry, like I didn't mean for it to come off that way, but sure. And those are one of the times how did you approach that?
SPEAKER_02Like how that's I mean, that's something that's so important when it comes to dating, relationships, marriages, everything. I mean, whether you're you know, someone with someone who has vision loss or not, is the communication aspect. How do you yeah, how do you correct someone that hurt you? And then it's important to remember when these things happen is is the point to tell them that they're wrong, or is the point to communicate that that wasn't okay and let's find a better way to do this next time to find a solution rather than to displace your anger on them when you know what's more how do you handle that? I mean, through the whole relative, I'm sure that wasn't the only time. Like, how do you handle it? How do you guys communicate that?
SPEAKER_04It's I always have to um he's looking at me and my life through his eyes, and he's trying to do the the best that he can. I think deep down he was trying to say something different than what came out of his mouth.
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_04And I did have to say, please do not ever approach it. Like, I'm okay. I'll tell everybody about my disability. First of all, I had a dog and you can see it, but don't feel like you can speak for me. You don't know what it's like to live in my body in my world. And it happens on a a somewhat regular basis in terms of his wanting to help me with things.
SPEAKER_02Sure, yeah.
SPEAKER_04He helps me from his perspective rather than my own. For example, I'll be going into the grocery store and I I like to travel independently, so I have my dog take me. I don't I don't use sight of guide very much anymore. I I have my dog take me and he'll be like, he's going the wrong way. The dog's going the wrong way. You have to come over here, you have to go to and I'm like, unless I'm dying, unless you don't you don't know what my dog is doing, you don't know how he's been trained. I went through m weeks of training with this dog. I understand him. So I just kind of have to say, unless, unless something bad is really gonna happen, please just if I'm gonna run into somebody, I don't care. Like, it's not a big deal. Um, and so I try to handle, I try to share with him my perspective and what is actually going on in my head, but sometimes nobody's gonna get it until they lived in our shoes. So I just just stop. Like just stop.
SPEAKER_02It's difficult.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It really is.
SPEAKER_04What about for you? I I mean, I guess not even from just I guess in everyday relationships. I'm sure there's people who who try to take over things for you and yeah, what that looks like.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that I actually had an ex. I don't even know if we were dating at the time, because my ex and I, we would uh we might have not been a Facebook official, but we were still dating in some senses, you know. Uh but we were we were at a bar, and it's funny, I forgot about it until another friend, she was actually there and she brought it up to me uh a couple weeks ago. But that she grabbed me and started telling people like so I bumped into someone's chair, which is very normal. Like out on the patio, it's dark. You know, they always use these bulbs that aren't it's it's like they're just decorative bulbs, they don't they're not lights, they're definitely not for us. At least not to us. I bump in, then she grabs my arm and starts leading me and just verbally telling people he's blind, he's blind. Yeah, sorry, sorry, you know, whatever. And it's just like, are you serious right now? And uh so people do try to do that, and I used to become and it's because I was insecure with my current situation still that I'd never handled those situations correctly. Because just as it was bad for them to do or people to do that kind of stuff to me, I was bad in the sense of the way I responded to it was not healthy for the results I wanted. It's not that I don't want your support, it's that I I need you to understand how to walk with me, not in front of me. Exactly. That's very important when it comes to supporting someone. And the only way that someone can truly get to that point and to have a healthier relationship, whether it be dating or something else, is to just explain it to them. Like they're just trying to help you.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02That that's it. Now, if they're not doing it right, well, just I mean, it might suck the way it comes off and the way it makes you feel, but just explain it to where, like, listen, when you do I really appreciate what you're doing, but when you do this, it makes me feel like this and a better, and it's always important to to you don't just tell someone what they're doing wrong, you tell them how to fix it, what you would prefer. You give them a solution because then you're talking about how to get past it instead of talking about how much how bad it was for you, and that just spins the arguments. Now, now it becomes a thing. Well, I didn't mean to do that. Well, you should know better, and it just it starts it just starts creating a potential toxic event there. And instead, like I would prefer next time that you do this, but thank you. Uh, so when I started doing that, that really when I became comfortable enough with that and understanding this is not personal, they're not being mean here. I mean, I wish I had that much support through the rest. I mean it's not that I didn't have support through my life, but it's wild how much people try to help you, and it's so nice of them, but I think it it's hard for people to understand, especially when they can't see what's going on with us, you know, being the invisible thing, that they can't really put themselves in your shoes at all. And it's it's hard with but it's just communication. It's always, always, always communication. And what result do you want?
SPEAKER_04One thing that you said that really resonates with me, and I didn't I didn't think about it until you said it, is that until you accept the position that you're in and what you're dealing with in your life, I know for me personally, it came out as anger and not necessarily it was directed at the person, but it was not about the person, it was about everything that was angry inside of me. It just came out and spewed at them. But once you accept it, you do get to the point that you can take a step back and say, This is what I need, this is what I need you to do, and this is what I don't need you to do. And here's why.
SPEAKER_02Yep. Yep, that's very, very important. Um it's it's just you have to realize too that when you're especially if you have a progressive vision loss like we do, you know, and again, you know, listeners, viewers, watchers, there are so many different uh um diseases and diagnoses and all that stuff, there's so many of them. But again, Sheridan and I, we have retinized pigmentosa. So you have to realize when it's progressive to when you're getting a relationship, that just as it is new, every day is new to you, because assuming it's getting worse, that every day is new to you, it's new to them too. And they're going through this journey with you. And I think that's really not talked about very much. That you think your journey when you're dating someone, and even if it's family, if you have close friends, that you're not on this journey alone, they are struggling just as much as you to walk through places to understand you, to they're struggling, not in the same way, but they are right there with you. And you you have to realize that it's not just about you when you're in a relationship. You bring this kind of thing to the table that one, honor the idea that they're walking with you and they're okay with it, and they're accepting you as you are, yeah, but accept that they don't know the answers either. They're just doing the best they can with the information they have, and that's again comes back to that's why it's important to give them the information they need in order to be a stronger partner with you and be the partner that you need that is supported the way you need the support.
SPEAKER_04What built what changed your level of confidence with yourself and putting yourself out in the dating world?
SPEAKER_02I I think putting myself out there is what changed it. When I became honest about myself and told everyone and started approaching women that way and not hiding it, it almost has become one of my like little superpowers. Like, I don't want to say it's cute, but it's kind of it's kind of cute that I'm a great talker. I'm not a bad-looking guy, I'm a great talker, and I can have a great conversation. I'm a you know, I'm intelligent. But I imagine a girl saying, You have to meet this guy, he's amazing. I'm really into him. And they tell them all these amazing things about me, except for the vision loss thing. So they just see me plowing through tables like, Hey Jessica, boom, boom, boom. Like, oh, I'll be right there. Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sorry. I'll be I'll be right there, Jess. Sorry, sir. I'm sorry, I'll buy you an underkink. I'm really sorry, you know. And their friends are probably going, Are you serious? Is he what? You know, so I think when I just became so honest about it and accepting of myself and putting myself out there that it made me so very comfortable. That was the only way to do it. I had to get comfortable with being uncomfortable all the time, and that's what it that's that's what I had to do. And now it doesn't bother me anymore. It doesn't, I'm not ashamed of it because of the again, the way people want what they want. And you know what? I might be losing my vision, but I have high standards. I I want specific people that have specific things in their lives that want specific things. And just because I have vision loss doesn't mean I should date down, doesn't mean I should go after someone who just like, oh, she's broken too. So I guess that's like where my dating pool is. No. Just because I might run into walls and crack my face sometimes and kick things over, it doesn't mean that I don't deserve an incredible woman. And I will continue to search and look for that, no problem. But it's it's definitely, and I think when you start looking at it like that too, is I deserve phenomenal. You know, that's that when you when you look at yourself in that light, it kind of I mean, ego is good to to a degree, but when you have that level of healthy ego, this is what you deserve. This is what you want. No one's saying you can't have it. Go get it.
SPEAKER_04You you deserve acceptance no matter what condition you have. Because I'm telling you, I may my vision loss may be something that I have to put right out there up front because it's it is, but everybody has something. I have a I have a two-part question for you. Do you see yourself getting married in the future?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Okay. Uh so now I know what you mean. Okay, so I okay, this is the big one. I before the vision loss even happened, I wasn't sure I wanted, you know, a relationship. And I think that's because I wasn't a very emotionally healthy person to be in a relationship. I loved dating people though, because I love to love, but I wasn't, it's ironic that I love to love, but I didn't love to love myself. And that, you know, that's something I had to learn. And I was aware of that to where, you know, I kept waking up in these relationships and going, like, who are you? What happened to you? I don't even know who I am anymore. Because I'm giving myself over and becoming someone else for them. But then when the vision happened, I was sure because again, I am discounting myself. And thinking marriage is off the table now. And especially with if you want kids and stuff, and I don't want to spread this, you know, I don't want to. It's not in I want to be very clear about the way I say this because there is no problem having children. You never know what's going to happen. And this isn't just vision loss. This is anything that can be transferred through genes. And I was worried about that. One to put a kid in that position. But again, I I would just I wasn't thinking about it from the right from the correct light still. But then thinking about would my wife be okay with that? Would I be marriage material because of what I potentially bring or do not bring to the table? Uh, am I a good candidate? But I would love to have kids though at the same time. But as far as a marriage goes, I really backed away from that concept completely because I just I'm not marriage material. But again, I wasn't accepting myself yet. I wasn't okay with my situation yet. And now that I am, I would love to get married. However, the the things that worry me about marriage now is not even about the vision loss, it's about what's a problem in society right now. That relationships are insane right now. There's not a lot of healthy relationships, and it's almost a trend to have toxic behavior and to tolerate people and to cheat and to be deceitful and all that stuff. And but that is what worries me about marriage now. Not my vision anymore. And that only happened, that that only turned when I accepted fully myself.
SPEAKER_04It was it was a two-part question, but I think you kind of answered the second part because I was going to ask you if if that time came, would you have a difficult time approaching her family?
SPEAKER_02Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_04Sorry.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I think about this so often. Okay, that's a really good point. Yes, okay. So that worries me so much because I mean it it and it's again because you know, I come from a different generation, and and I don't know who I would be dating. I don't know how old that person is, but I know the family I came from. So, you know, I imagine someone meeting if someone was gonna date my sister with my vision loss. I could have, I don't even know. I need to ask my dad this. I have no idea how he would react if someone like me walked in or tried to walk in and knock knock something over or something. And imagine that, right? You know, my dad's the kind of guy that will be intimidating, like you want to marry my daughter, huh? And be cleaning his gun or something. He's that he's that kind of a guy, and my sister's married now, but he I think he actually did that. But imagine us, we walk in, like we can't even see the threat. Like, like he's sitting there trying to look all scary and whatnot. But I when I eventually notice that you don't even know, right? Um so but I so I do very well with parents, so but I look and again, it's it's not even that they're gonna judge me. I'm looking at the concept of meeting a father. I mean, especially it's a father's for me that worry me. I'm looking at the concept of meeting meeting a father and the way that they view this guy who, you know, again, the protection thing, how is he gonna protect? Yeah, and that worries me sick about all of that. And but the the thing I've acknowledged though, there's no getting around it. And the best way to get through that is to show up in every other place that you can at your top game all the time, you know, to carry that confidence, to keep doing what you're doing, you know. Because now I think about with uh Rare Perspective Co. and with uh the CVP and all the other things that I'm doing, the FFB, all these things to where my the my stature in rooms is getting bigger and bigger now. I walk in knowing like this is what I do. Like I started this company, I do that, you know, and that now it offsets that a little bit. So meeting the family, I think is scary when I have nothing else to back up what I'm doing. But then sometimes I think you try to be you look at yourself, but there's some kind of thing where the best way to look, honestly, is to be an inspiration story. You know, like you're inspirational, man. Like you got through it, but I also don't think that's the way that we should be looked at. But it's a really good question.
SPEAKER_04I will tell you that uh so even from the female perspective, when I met Tim's parents, I was worried. I mean, I had a good job. I was providing for two children by myself. Um, I I would financially I was stable enough to adopt a child on my own. And but still there was that I'm gonna have to tell them that I can't see, that I'm not, I don't drive. And I wondered how they would perceive that for their son. But now that you said I'm gonna have to ask my dad about that, I think about I would hope that if my daughter brought someone into our home that had a vision impairment, that I would be or any type of impairment for that matter, any type of situation, I would hope that I would be more open and to at least explore because I don't care if you're fully abled, I want you to provide for my child.
SPEAKER_02Right, right.
SPEAKER_04It it doesn't have anything to do with your vision or whatever whatever other issue you might have.
SPEAKER_02No, and you know, it's also the say it's it's the same thing we go through all the time. It's not about it's about how we show up. It's about the it is, you know, it might in it's not about what we can like what we can't do. It's that we have to find a different way to do things. It's the same exact standard in all this to where you you might not, you know, especially when it's uh, you know, there's a special thing I think sometimes with the people who were maybe born blind. I'm not saying that's better, I'm not saying it's worse, I'm not saying any of that.
SPEAKER_00It's different.
SPEAKER_02It's different because you have been like this your entire life, and you're not expected or and you're not holding yourself to some expectation of yourself because you remember a time that that wasn't you. And I think that's a hard thing with it as well. That's yeah, that's a really good question. And I don't know, like now I'd be more accepting of it, you know, if I had a daughter and I was put in that position, I would be the same way. I I think or I'd be better now. But I would be concerned about that, but I wouldn't judge them on how much do you make a year and oh, you don't drive. I'd want to know what else do you do? And I think that's the other thing of being very verbal and communicative about who you are, what you do, and also being proud of what you're doing to share with the world what's going on in your life and what you're doing, what you're pursuing, talk about your challenges, talk about how you overcame those challenges.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I I I would agree. It's not so much about how much you make and what you're what you're doing. It's okay, so I understand you have this situation. How are you and my daughter? Have you thought about this? Are you going to how are you going to move forward? I would hope that is that's how I that that's how I approach it now.
SPEAKER_02Right. And I think that it's for for the people out there with vision loss, it's very important to become accepting of yourself, I think. You know, that you so you don't take that into a relationship. It doesn't mean you won't have bad days, it doesn't mean times won't be hard because it always will happen. However, they get easier and your partner's there to support you. But if you haven't accepted yourself, then how do you expect someone else to accept you? And that's a big problem with me, to where you if you go in being damaged and broken with yourself, that's the thing, too. Once you start accepting yourself, you might change your whole outlook. You might realize you don't want to be in this relationship. Oh, you know, you just wanted loved or something, and you'll you took anything that came up to you. That once you become full of a self-realized blind guy, blind woman, whatever, once you become that, then you actually know what you want and it's fair for everyone. I just think that's an I'm not saying not to go out there and date and do all that, but I think it's important for us as a people with vision loss to enter into relationships, being confident about ourselves and being straightforward about our lives with ourselves and our partner.
SPEAKER_04And find your place. I I know me personally, I've I've gone through some really rough times recently, but I've found my stride, I've found my place. And once you find your place, you're happier in your relationships, you're happier with yourself, and you're just happier with life in general.
SPEAKER_02Yep. Yep. So we're bad at our time. So let's go ahead and wrap this up. Uh, this was a lot of fun. This was a good conversation. There's um, and guys, there is so much in this. I know we're gonna have multiple episodes about this. This is a massive, massive topic that we all face. And I also want people out there to know that have vision loss that you are worthy. You know, you you can get into a great relationship. I know it's harder, I know it's tough. It it really is, but once you get there, it's really amazing. You realize that it was just a simple flip of the switch, but it was just kind of hard to find that switch. But once you find it, it's incredible. You really can go out there and achieve the same things and have an amazing relationship and find love. You can do that. So I want to make sure that you all understand that it's okay to have hard days and it's okay to feel weak and things like that. But know you're worthy. And know that people have just their choices that they want, and that's okay. You're not less because someone said no. So, with that being said, I want to thank you all for listening to episode four, watching us on YouTube if you're there. This has been a great time. I hope that you guys got a lot out of this, and we'd love to hear in the comments what you thought, or maybe some points from your life, your perspectives in this situation. We'd love to hear it. So please go like us, share us, review us, rate us, subscribe to us, all those things. That helps us get out there further to the world and get our message further in front of the people that we want to have seeing us. So make sure you check us out on all of our platforms. Make sure you go to TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. It's all at Central Vision Podcast. We also have our website, centralvision podcast.com. Thank you guys for hanging out. We'll see you next Tuesday.
